A Villainous Wedding
by DiscordantPrincess
Summary: Ratigan and Maleficent get married. Pretty much what the title says. Enjoy!
1. The Proposal

**Hellooooooooooooooooo, nurses! I have something special for you all: a brand new story! This one takes place in my Disney fanfic-verse, and it follows the wedding plans of my fave Disney villain pairing, Ratigan and Maleficent, from the proposal to the big day itself. Hope you all enjoy!**

It was a sunny day in Walt Disney World. At the Bad Bean, the theme park's coffee shop for villains, a small group of male villains were gathered at one table, surrounding the former rodent Professor Ratigan, who was seated at the table and showing off a small black velvet box he had just taken out of his jacket pocket. He opened the box to show off a golden ring with a large black diamond in the center, surrounded by two small blood red rubies.

Dr. Facilier whistled as he saw the ring. "Nice ring. Musta cost you a fortune."

"Actually, I went to the Dwarfs' jewelry store outside of the Germany showcase in Epcot," Ratigan explained. "It was a real steal." He chuckled to himself, making his friends laugh.

"So you're finally gonna do it, huh Ratti?" Hades asked his best friend. "You're gonna ask Maleficent to marry you?"

Ratigan nodded. "Yup. But I'm VERY nervous."

"Ah, don't be, man, she'll melt the second you show her the ring," Hades reassured him. "She'll say yes before you even have a chance to finish popping the question."

"I wouldn't be so sure, Hades," Jafar replied. "Remember, both you and I have dated Maleficent before. She is not the type to be easily wooed by shiny baubles and such."

"Yeah, but UNLIKE you an' me, Ratti's actually managed to keep a relationship going with her that's lasted longer than a month," Hades argued. He turned back to the professor. "Trust me, Rats, she's gonna love it."

"But don't get your hopes up TOO high," Jafar added. "Villainesses are hard sells. When Grimhilde and I were dating, I proposed to her during our three-month anniversary…we broke up the next day."

Ratigan gulped. "Maybe I should wait a little longer before I propose, then. Just to see if Maleficent and I really are meant to be…."

"Don't listen to Jaffy, you propose to Mal and just see what happens," Hades suggested.

"So when are you doin' it?" Facilier asked.

"Tonight. I'm taking her to Lumiere's."

"Ooh, good choice. Fancy, elegant, VERY romantic," Hades commented. "If I was gonna propose to a babe, that's where I'd do it." He patted Ratigan's right shoulder. "Well good luck to ya, buddy."

Ratigan smiled nervously. "Thank you, Hades. I'm glad that at least ONE of my friends is being supportive here." He glared at Jafar, who just shrugged.

* * *

That night, Ratigan went to Maleficent's castle to pick her up for their date. He was wearing a black tuxedo with a charcoal gray bow tie and cummerbund rather than his usual suit, along with his usual white gloves and black top hat. He knocked on the door. Within seconds, it opened.

"Hello there, handsome," the green-skinned fairy greeted her date. Ratigan gulped as he saw how beautiful she was. She was wearing a black gown with a flowing skirt and a deep purple pashmina. Her long ebony hair, usually covered by her horned hat, was loose and flowing behind her. She wore a gold necklace with an onyx pendant around her throat. "Ready for tonight?"

_As ready as I'll ever be_, Ratigan thought silently. He nodded. He led her out the door and to the carriage that he had waiting for them, giving his jacket pocket a quick pat to make sure that the box was still in there. It was.

* * *

Upon arriving at Lumiere's, the most romantic restaurant in Disney World, they were greeted by the titular candelabra. "Ah, _bon soir_, Professor. Mademoiselle Maleficent. I hope you find the table that we've reserved for you to be satisfactory." He showed it to them.

"Thank you, Lumiere, I'm sure it shall be perfect," Ratigan replied as the two villains sat down.

"I certainly HOPE so," Lumiere responded, elbowing the professor in the ribs playfully as he chuckled. He knew about the proposal. "_Bonne chance, monsieur_." He left to seat other customers.

"What was THAT all about?" Maleficent asked.

Ratigan shrugged. "Who knows what goes on in the minds of those wacky sidekicks?" He laughed nervously as he looked at the menu. "My goodness, I am starving. What looks good here?"

* * *

And so the night went on. Ratigan was a bit of a nervous wreck throughout most of the meal. He barely picked at his cheese soufflé; it was his favorite dish on the menu, but the butterflies in his stomach were making it hard to eat. Once dessert came around, he decided to just go for it. "Maleficent, my dear, I have something I want to ask you…" He then caught something in the corner of his eye. It was Hades, sitting alone at a table, waving at him.

"Yes, Padraic?" Maleficent asked, calling the professor by his first name.

"Umm…" Ratigan began to get flummoxed. "Would you excuse me, please? I…have to go to the little villain's room." He stomped over to Hades' table. "Hey, Ratti, what's the word, bluebird?"

"Hades, what the deuce are you DOING here?" Ratigan demanded.

"Just offering some moral support," Hades answered. "Thought you might need some."

"Well I DON'T, thank you very much!"

"Uh-huh, SURE ya don't. It's already dessert, and you haven't made ONE motion to pull that ring out." Hades snickered. "Looks like SOMEBODY'S getting himself a pair of cold feet."

"I am not!" Ratigan denied. "I am just trying to figure out the right time, that's all."

"Well, now might be that time," Hades replied. "Because she's comin' right here now." He waved to the fairy. "Hey, Mal!"

"Hello, Hades," Maleficent greeted the god of the dead. She turned to her boyfriend. "Padraic, what's going on? Are you all right?"

"Well…" Ratigan struggled. "I…I really wanted to ask you something special. I just couldn't think of a good time to do it…but I suppose now is as good a time as any." He grabbed ahold of her hand and got down to one knee. "Maleficent…" He took the box out of his pocket and opened it, showing off the ring. "…will you do me the honor of becoming Mrs. Maleficent Ratigan?"

Maleficent gasped when she saw the ring. Tears began to fill her eyes. "Oh Padraic…" She smiled. "Of COURSE I will!" The entire restaurant applauded as Ratigan got up, slipped the ring onto her left ring finger, lifted her off of her feet, twirled her around and kissed her.

"Congrats, you two!" Hades told them. "Wow, you're gonna be the first two Disney villains to tie the knot together…what a milestone!"

"Hades, could you please leave us alone?" Maleficent asked. "I want some time to celebrate with my fiancé." She squealed. "Fiancé. I just LOVE the way that sounds! I, Maleficent, have a fiancé!"

"And I have the most beautiful fiancée in the world," Ratigan added, kissing her on the lips.

"OK, yeah, I'm goin'," Hades replied. "Ugh, all that mushy romance stuff…that's Aphrodite's territory, not mine." He left for the bathroom, leaving the newly engaged couple to embrace one another.

**Charlotte LaBouff: Ooh, yay, she said yes! We're gonna have ourselves a Disney villain weddin'!**

**Thanks, Lottie, for that bout of perky Genki Girl-ness. Yeah, I'm pretty excited, too. How many Disney villains can say that they've gotten married? Besides Queen Grimhilde and Lady Tremaine, but I'm convinced that they both murdered their husbands once they'd outlived their usefulnesses, so that probably doesn't count. **

**Next chapter, Mal and Ratti share the news with their friends. How will they react? Find out soon!**

**All my best, DiscordantPrincess.**


	2. Sharing the News

**Hello, peeps! I have here the next chapter of "A Villainous Wedding"...enjoy!**

A few days later, Maleficent met up with some of her girlfriends outside the Poison Oak Spa for their weekly ritual of going into town to shop at the mall. She hummed all the way and smiled and waved when she saw them. "Hello, ladies."

"Hello, Mal," Ursula, who was in her human form Vanessa, greeted her. "My, you're looking particularly cheerful today…almost frighteningly so."

"Yes, it's a little disturbing to see the Mistress of all Evil so perky," Mother Gothel agreed. "Are you feeling all right?"

"Oh, I'm feeling better than I've ever felt before," Maleficent assured them.

"Good, so let's go shop then," Queen Grimhilde replied. They caught a bus that took guests of Disney World from their hotels to the park and rode it to the Orlando Mall.

"So which store should we hit first?" Ursula asked. "The fashion boutique? The perfume shop? The jewelry store?"

"Oh, no, not the jewelry store," Maleficent replied nonchalantly. "I don't need anything there." She smiled as she held up her left hand. "I've got all the jewelry that I need."

The other villainesses squealed when they saw the engagement ring on the fairy's hand. "Oh my god, no way! Ratigan proposed?" Gothel asked.

"No, I just took this engagement ring and put it on my hand just for the hell of it…yes, he proposed!" Maleficent replied.

"Oh Maleficent, this is so exciting!" Ursula told her friend. "Just think…we're going to have the first ever Disney villain wedding!" She took a better look at the ring. "Oh wow, it's a beauty. He must have spent at least three months' salary on this!"

"Actually, he said it was a steal," Maleficent replied. She laughed. "That's my Padraic for you."

"So have you decided when the wedding is going to be?" Grimhilde asked.

"Friday, September 13," Maleficent responded.

"But isn't Friday the Thirteenth bad luck?" Gothel asked.

"Oh, you know that Padraic and I don't believe in that superstition nonsense," Maleficent scoffed. "Besides, it was the only day that we could rent out Cinderella's castle for the wedding."

"Mickey let you rent Cinderella's castle for the wedding?" Vanessa asked in disbelief. "But I thought he only let princesses and heroes rent that place."

"The mouse is a sucker for weddings," Maleficent explained. "He said that he'd let us have the moon if he owned it. Plus he owed Padraic a favor from that PhilharMagic mishap last November." The other villainesses nodded and hummed in agreement.

"I call dibs on maid of honor!" Gothel announced.

"Excuse me?" Grimhilde asked. "You can't call dibs on being maid of honor, it's Maleficent's choice! And besides, I'M going to be maid of honor!"

"Why YOU?"

"Because I'VE known Maleficent the longest, AND because I'M the fairest one of all!"

"The fairest one of all? You lost that title to a fourteen-year-old seventy-six years ago!"

The two villainesses kept arguing until finally, fed up, Maleficent yelled "SHUT IT!" That got their attention. "Look, you're both very good friends of mine, and you're both very beautiful, but I've decided that Ursula is going to be my maid of honor, because she is my closest friend and because she's the only one who hasn't been arguing over the title like it was the last piece of cheesecake!" She turned to the humanified sea witch. "What do you say, Ursula? Will you be my maid of honor?"

"Hmm, let me think about that for a moment…hell yeah!" Ursula replied. She hugged Maleficent.

"But I WOULD like you ladies to be my bridesmaids, if that's all right," Maleficent told the two disappointed villainesses.

Gothel shrugged. "I guess being a bridesmaid beats not being a part of the wedding party at all."

"Yes, I'll do it, too," Grimhilde agreed.

"Fantastic!"

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the Bad Bean, Ratigan was celebrating his engagement with his friends. Hades was telling Facilier and Jafar about what he witnessed.

"Oh man, you should've SEEN all those yutzes going all mushy when Ratti and Mal kissed," the god was saying. "Oy, it was a regular love fest. BLECH!"

"Well apparently I was wrong about proposing to Maleficent," Jafar admitted. "I both apologize and offer my congratulations to you, Ratigan."

"Thank you, Jafar." Ratigan turned to Hades. "Hades, seeing as you are my best friend, I would be most honored if you would be my best man."

"Are you kidding? I'm all over THAT, bubbee."

"And would you gentlemen be my groomsmen?"

"Hell yeah I will," Facilier agreed.

"It would be an honor," Jafar responded.

"Wonderful." Ratigan smiled. "I can't believe I'm getting married!"

"This calls for a toast," Hades announced. He lifted his coffee cup. "To Ratigan and Maleficent, the best damned couple I've ever known."

"Here, here," Jafar agreed, lifting his cup. Soon, all four villains were clinking their cups together.

"Hey, you break those cups, you buy them!" the barista behind the counter told them. The villains just glared at him, making him laugh nervously. "I mean…yeah, whatever you wanna do is fine."

**Hee hee, the guys seem so much cooler about not being picked for best man than the girls do...I don't know, I've just noticed that as a general rule, guys are more easy-going and girls are more catty about these kinds of things. I guess guys don't really care too much about weddings if it's not their own, LOL!**

**Hmm, what was the PhilharMagic mishap that Maleficent talked about? Beats me, it's just a funny little Noodle Incident I came up with to get the wedding set up at Cinderella's castle...that thing is HUGE, I'll bet it would make a pretty good wedding venue!**

**Next chapter is more preparations for the wedding. Stay tuned!**

**All my best, DiscordantPrincess.**


	3. Planning Ahead

**_Hola, mis amigos_! Hope you're ready for a new chapter of "A Villainous Wedding!"**

It was a quiet June day. Ratigan and Maleficent were at her house, going over potential wedding plans.

"…and we should DEFINITELY get the Queen of Hearts to do the floral arrangements," Maleficent was deciding. "Her red roses are the finest in all of Florida!"

"Yes, but what do we do if she accidentally sends us WHITE roses instead?" Ratigan asked. "We can't exactly PAINT them red with her around; she'd go ballistic and start screaming "OFF WITH THEIR HEADS! OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!" And I don't think the wedding would go so hot if the bride and groom didn't have heads." Both villains laughed.

"I guess we just trust that she gets it right," Maleficent replied. "Oh, and we should DEFINITELY get Lumiere and his kitchen crew to cater the event. Their food is to DIE for!"

Ratigan nodded. Suddenly, his stomach began to growl, making him grin and blush. "Sorry, haven't eaten much today. I've been too excited about wedding planning." He rubbed his belly. "I would KILL for one of Mrs. Potts' scones right about now."

Maleficent smiled and rang a nearby bell. Immediately a pig-faced goon came up to her. "Please get some tea and scones for us," she ordered.

"Right away, Mistress," the goon replied. He ran off.

"My, how did you get your minions to be so obedient?" Ratigan asked.

"The same way YOU did…by installing the fear of Hell in them," Maleficent replied nonchalantly. "Now, how would you feel about hiring Frollo to perform the ceremony?"

"I thought Frollo was a judge."

"He is, but he's also licensed to perform weddings."

"Oh. Well then, I'd say that's a good idea. Most of the Disney priests are so sweet and nice, it's just sickening."

The goon came back, carrying a tea tray with a small teapot, two teacups and a plate of scones. "Here you go, you two."

Maleficent frowned. "That took too long! Be faster next time!" She made a threatening gesture, as if she were going to strike the goon.

The goon shrieked. "Y-Yes, Mistress." He ran off, crying.

Maleficent smiled as she poured tea for herself and her fiancé. "See what I mean? I practically had him wetting himself in fear just then!"

"Oh Maleficent dear, I love it when you're nasty," Ratigan responded. They were silent for a moment as they had their tea and scones.

"So, I think that's everything, except for one thing," Maleficent noticed. "We haven't figured out who we're going to get to host the reception. None of our villain friends are exactly party animals, after all. And we can't hire one of the goody-goodies; they'd turn it into some syrupy sweet romance fest."

"No, we don't want that," Ratigan agreed. "Well, I can think of ONE being who could host the reception."

"WHO?" Maleficent asked. She realized who her fiancé was talking about. "HIM? He's not even Disney, nor is he even technically a villain anymore!"

"No, but he always throws kickass parties. He might be able to help us. It wouldn't hurt to ask, right?"

Maleficent sighed. "No, I suppose not."

* * *

Later that day, the couple traveled to Hasbro Land, where they found themselves in front of an insane-looking house with stairways leading nowhere and doors the size of windows and vice versa. Ratigan knocked on the door. Within seconds, a draconequus opened the door. "Hey, Ratti, Mally! Long time no see, you two!"

"Hello, Discord," Ratigan greeted the draconequus. "We have a favor that we'd like to ask you."

"Sure, what's up?"

"Well, Maleficent and I are getting married…"

"No way! You two crazy kids are getting hitched? That's too great!" Discord hugged the two villains. "So, what do you need from me?"

"Well, we were wondering if you would host the reception for us," Ratigan explained.

"Are you kidding? I'd be delighted! Just tell me the place and date, and I'll be there faster than you can say "Q Continuum.""

"It's September thirteenth, at Cinderella's castle," Ratigan responded.

"It's a date, then," Discord replied. "Congratulations again, you two!" He went back into his house as the Disney villains left together.

"See? That wasn't so bad, now was it?" Ratigan asked his fiancée as they headed back to Disney World.

"No, it wasn't," Maleficent admitted. "But I STILL think he's going to do SOMETHING to cause chaos at our wedding reception!"

Ratigan draped an arm over his fiancée's shoulders. "A little chaos never hurt anyone, now did it, darling?"

Maleficent sighed. "I suppose not."

* * *

The next day, Discord was at the mall, shopping for party supplies at the party store. "Hmm, would they like gold or silver streamers better?" he asked himself. "What would Pinkie Pie do? Meh, she'd probably get both." He put both boxes he had been holding in his paws into his cart.

As the draconequus walked out of the streamer aisle, he bumped into a man with his cart. "Watch were you are going, you mismatched fool!" the man yelled.

"Sorry, dude, didn't see you there," Discord replied. He got a better look at the man. He was pale and sickly looking, almost like a skeleton. He wore a blood red hooded cloak that almost covered his face, showing off mostly his piercing red eyes. Two large antlers were strapped to the hood of his cloak. "Hey, I've seen you around Disney World before. You're that guy from that Disney Black Cauldron flop…oh, what's your name…the Skeleton King!"

The man glared at him. "That's the HORNED King, beast!"

"Right, right, Horned King." Discord blinked. "So what're you doing here in the party store? I mean, no offense, but you don't really seem the partying type."

"I'm just picking up some supplies," the Horned King replied. "The Black Cauldron cast is having a little get together to celebrate the fact that our movie's been around for twenty-eight years…not that anyone remembers that."

"Bummer. I'm just here picking out supplies for Ratigan and Maleficent's wedding reception. I'm hosting it."

The Horned King glared at the draconequus. "What did you just say?"

"I said that I'm picking out supplies for Ratigan and Maleficent's wedding reception," Discord repeated, confused.

"Maleficent is getting MARRIED?!" the Horned King practically shrieked. "To that…SEWER RAT?!"

"Well, technically he's not a sewer rat anymore, Maleficent turned him into a human," Discord corrected him. He then noticed that the Horned King had stormed out of the store. "Geez, what's eating HIM?"

**Uh-oh, the Horned King ain't too happy, is he? Poor Horny...nobody remembers him or his movie! I must give credit to writes4u, for giving me the idea of having Horny be Maleficent's angry ex-boyfriend. _Gracias_! **

**Pffft, yeah, I had to bring Discord in here somewhere. Shameless Discord fangirl is shameless. Besides, I could see him being pals with Ratigan...not so much with Maleficent, seeing as he kicked her butt in "Disney Villain Island" and I doubt Mal would take losing too well! **

**What's gonna go on next chapter? Gotta read to find out!**

**All my best, DiscordantPrincess.**


	4. The King's (Deceptive) Speech

**Howdy, peeps! I have a new chapter for you! Just a heads up, this chap is going to be chock full of drama. Read on, and enjoy!**

The Horned King stormed up to the front of Maleficent's castle. He didn't bother knocking on the door, but simply broke it down. "What is the meaning of this?" the fairy demanded. She went up to him. "What are YOU doing here?"

"You're getting MARRIED?!" the Horned King practically screamed. "To RATIGAN?!"

"And what is it to YOU?" Maleficent asked. "What say do YOU have in who I marry?"

"I am your boyfriend, that's who!"

"You are my EX-boyfriend," Maleficent corrected him. "We haven't been together since 1992."

"How easily you remember the year you left me," the Horned King replied bitterly. "Yet just as easily you forget that when we were together, we too talked of marriage."

"No, YOU talked of marriage," Maleficent retorted. "YOU talked of rings and roses and vows of being together forever. I wanted none of that."

"And what has changed your mind that you will wed that sewer rat and not ME?" the Horned King demanded, grabbing the fairy by the shoulders. "WHAT? Tell me, Maleficent! Why do you want to marry HIM?!"

Maleficent shoved the king off of her body, pushing him down to the ground. "Padraic is NOT a sewer rat! And what has changed my mind is that unlike YOU, who tried to force the idea of marriage down my throat from the moment we started dating, he waited to have a REAL relationship with me before he proposed. He waited until we had gotten to know one another better and were comfortable with one another. Even as a rat, he was always ten TIMES the man you ever were! And if you do ANYTHING to jeopardize our wedding, ANYTHING whatsoever, I shall hunt you down, burn you alive and use your charred remains as my wedding day makeup!" She threw him out of the castle.

The Horned King grumbled to himself as he left the premise. Fine, if he wasn't going to get anywhere with the bride, perhaps he could persuade the groom to call off the wedding. And then, Maleficent would be his once again.

* * *

Ratigan smiled and hummed as he left his house. He was on his way to the mall's tuxedo shop to meet his groomsmen and try on tuxedos for the wedding.

"YOU!" a man's voice yelled threateningly. Ratigan looked over to see the Horned King approaching him, pointing a bony finger at the professor. "Um, hello, Horned King," he greeted the king. "Can I help you with something?"

"Yes, you can help me by dropping dead!" the Horned King replied angrily, coming within inches of the former rat's face.

Ratigan blinked in confusion. "I'm sorry? Did I do something to offend you?"

"You proposed to Maleficent!" the Horned King explained furiously.

"Yes, so?"

"So, she is MINE!"

Ratigan eyed the king crossly. "Excuse me, my good man, but Maleficent has not been "yours" for over twenty years. You two broke up mutually."

The Horned King growled. "Is THAT what she told you?"

"That's what she told EVERYONE, because it's the truth."

The Prydainian king scoffed as he formulated a plan. "No, no it is NOT the truth. I did not agree to the breakup. Maleficent left me because I was not "popular" enough for her, because no one remembered me or my movie. She left me to pursue that Jafar twit after he and that cutesy little movie of his became instant hits."

Ratigan blinked. "WHAT?"

_Good, I'm getting to him_, the Horned King thought as he went on. "Oh, yes. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, Professor, but the woman you are betrothed to is a popularity-obsessed queen bee."

Ratigan growled as he grabbed the king by the collar. "You lying sack of wasted skin! How DARE you say such vicious falsehoods about the woman I love! I ought to tear you apart limb from limb and feed your guts to my cat!"

"I wish I WERE lying, but it is the truth," the Horned King fibbed. "Haven't you ever noticed the list of villains she's dated in the past? Jafar, Hades, Dr. Facilier, Frollo…hell, she was even with Gaston for a short time. And what do those villains all have in common? They are popular. They are from movies that people remember. They are the ones that the children clamor to whenever we do our meet and greets. You and I? We are forgotten, underrated. No one remembers who we are, or what movie we were in. No one cares about us. Not even Maleficent."

Ratigan shook his head as he let go of the Horned King. "No, no, you're wrong! Maleficent cares about me! She loves me! Why else would she have agreed to marry me if she didn't?"

"Because you are attractive," the Horned King explained. "You're a very handsome man, Ratigan, there's no denying that, but is a pretty face going to keep Maleficent loyal to you forever? No, she will run off after the next well-received male villain that shows up…but not before she rips your heart out of your chest, spits on it and stomps it into the ground." He saw the professor's face fall. "I am DEEPLY sorry for having to tell you this, my fellow unpopular villain, but I thought it'd be best you find out BEFORE the wedding commenced. If I were you, I'd break things off with Maleficent before she can hurt you." He turned away, an evil smile spreading on his face as he left Ratigan to despair, thoughts of doubt running through his head…

**Poor Ratti. (hugs him) Damn, Horned King, you're a bastard! But jealousy makes us all do horrible things like that.**

**Next chapter, Ratigan talks to Maleficent about what he was told. Don't worry, after that I'll be going back to our regularly scheduled humorous stuff, I promise!**

**All my best, DiscordantPrincess.**


	5. Maleficent Comes Clean

**Hey guys hey! Guess what? I've got a new chapter of "A Villainous Wedding" for y'all! Hope you like it! Read on, please!**

Ratigan sat down on the fountain outside his house. He didn't know what to do. He felt as though the Horned King had just punched him hard in the gut. Thousands of thoughts swam through his head. Is he right? No, it couldn't be. He's just a jealous ex, you shouldn't listen to him. But he's right; all the villains Maleficent has dated in the past were much more popular with the public than am I. Oh God, what do I do?

After a few more thoughts, Ratigan got back onto his feet. He decided to talk to Maleficent about this. She was the only one who could quell the fears stirring in his heart…or confirm them.

* * *

Ratigan walked up to Maleficent's castle and gasped when he saw that the door was broken down. Several goons were trying to prop it back up. The fairy was sitting nearby, talking with Ursula. She then noticed her fiancé approaching. "Hello, darling. I thought you were out with your friends today."

"What the deuce happened to your door?" Ratigan asked.

Maleficent shook her head in annoyance. "It's a long story. Is there something I can help you with?"

Ratigan sighed. "Do you really love me, Maleficent, or are you going to leave me the second a new, more popular villain shows up?" he demanded.

"WHAT?" Maleficent reacted. "What makes you think that I would do something like that to you?"

"Because the Horned King told me that's why you left him," the professor responded. "He said that he didn't want to break up at all!"

Maleficent growled and clenched her hands into fists. "I am going to KILL that Horned King!"

"Hey, he's not the ONLY one to blame here, Mal," Ursula reminded her. "I TOLD you that "it was a mutual split" jazz would come back to bite you in the arse."

Ratigan felt his heart sink a little. Tears came to his eyes. "So he WAS telling the truth! It wasn't mutual at all! You LIED to me!"

Maleficent sighed. "Yes, Padraic, I did lie to you about my breakup with the Horned King being a mutual decision, I admit it. It was a stupid error on my part, and I deeply and sincerely apologize." She took his hand in hers. "But I did not lie to you about my love for you. You are the only man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I would never leave you for another man, no matter how well-received he or his movie are." She held up her left hand to show off the engagement ring. "If I did not, I wouldn't have accepted this ring in the first place."

Ratigan sat down next to his fiancée. "Well then, why DID you break things off with the Horned King?"

"Because he was moving too fast for me," Maleficent explained. "Practically since the first moment he and I started together, he would talk nonstop about getting married and having children and just spending the rest of our lives together. Not something you want to hear immediately after you begin a new relationship with someone. I kept telling him to cut it out, that I wasn't ready for such a commitment, that I wanted to see where our relationship was going before we made any wedding plans, but he wouldn't listen. He kept going on and on about how we should name our firstborn son after his grandfather, and that we shouldn't have lilies as our wedding flowers because he's allergic to them. He was being too pushy, and he would not let up for one moment. So finally I'd had enough of his obsessiveness and decided to call it off. He was furious, yelling that no other villain would ever love me the way he did, and that I was throwing away the chance to become queen of Prydain by leaving him. A title I never would have wanted anyway. I am already the Mistress of all Evil, why do I need to be the queen consort of some tiny kingdom in Wales that no one's even heard of? No, I needed to get away from him, to find a boyfriend who WOULDN'T constantly shove wedding plans in my face. But now I've found the one I DO want to spend the rest of my life with…YOU."

Ratigan blinked. "That…that's REALLY why you broke up with the Horned King?"

Maleficent nodded. "And if you don't believe me, ask Ursula. She can vouch for all of that." The professor looked over at the sea witch, who nodded. "It's true."

Ratigan groaned as he buried his face into his hands. "Oh God, I am such an imbecile! How could I let that bastard get into my head so easily? How could I let him fool me even for one second into believing that you would leave me for someone more popular? Some genius I turn out to be!"

Maleficent leaned her head onto her fiancé's shoulder, wrapping her arms around his waist. "Don't blame yourself, Padraic my darling. Anyone can be fooled by jealous words and cruel deceptions, even someone as brilliant as you. But just remember that I do love you. I'll always love you."

"I love you, too, Maleficent." The two embraced and kissed.

"So what do you guys wanna do with that lying sack of sea slime the Horned King?" Ursula asked.

The couple were silent as they thought of a suitable way to get back at the Horned King for trying to plant seeds of doubt in Ratigan's heart. Then, they looked at each other and smiled wickedly. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Padraic?" Maleficent asked.

"I think I am, my dearest," Ratigan replied.

**Aww, Maligan FTW! They are too sweet together...that awkward moment where you realize you've just said that two villains are sweet together. Oh well!**

**OK, did anyone else want to give Ratigan a major hug here? Because I sure as heck did! (huggles Ratti)**

**Hmm, methinks our two have some sort of nefarious scheme to get back at the Horned King...what is it? No seriously, what is it? I'm up for ideas, because frankly I got squat at this moment. Any ideas you have would be most appreciated. Thank you!**

**All my best, DiscordantPrincess.**


	6. The Horned King's Punishment

**Hey, guys! Before we begin, I must thank some folks: writes4u, FairyTales And Pixie Dust, and Scoobycool9 and Luckycool9, who all gave me awesome ideas on how to punish the Horned King. They were all so great, I had to combine them! Thanks, y'all! And enjoy!**

The Horned King sat in his throne room, relaxing and waiting. Just then, his minion came up to him. "Sire, you have a visitor," he told the monarch. "Miss Maleficent."

The Horned King smiled. "Thank you, Creeper." He got up off of his throne and walked to the foyer, where a distraught Maleficent was standing, weeping into a black handkerchief. He smiled to see that she was no longer wearing the engagement ring. "Maleficent, my dear, so good to see you again. Why ever are you crying, fair one?"

Maleficent sniffed, dabbing her eyes with her handkerchief. "Ratigan just dumped me. He left me for that slutty Helga Sinclair! He broke my heart, so I blasted him to oblivion." She sobbed. "You were right, Horny, he was just a sewer rat. He wasn't worth my love."

"Of COURSE he wasn't, Maleficent," the Horned King replied, embracing the weeping fairy. "You don't belong in the arms of some common criminal mastermind. You belong with a powerful monarch."

Maleficent nodded. "That's why I came to you. Oh please forgive me for being so foolish. You are the one I love."

The Horned King smiled as he stroked her back. "And you are the one I love. Will you be mine forever?"

Maleficent looked up, her gold eyes peering into his red ones. "Of course I will." She leaned into him and kissed him. The Horned King closed his eyes as they kissed.

"Oh, Maleficent, you are a magnificent kisser," he commented. "I had forgotten how your lips felt. Though they're much drier and scalier than I remembered." The king opened his eyes to see not Maleficent, but a tan and brown python with large yellow eyes looking back at him. "Ssssurprisssse, Horny!"

The Horned King screamed and wiped his mouth with his hand. Just then, Ratigan and Maleficent came into the room, laughing. "Thank you again for the assistance, Kaa," Ratigan told the python, petting him on the head.

"My pleasure, Professssor," Kaa hissed. He slithered away, chuckling to himself.

"You…You BASTARDS!" the Horned King spat at the two villains. "How could you trick me like that?"

"How could YOU lie to Padraic about me leaving him for another villain?" Maleficent retorted. "I shall never leave Padraic. Not for ANYONE, and ESPECIALLY not for YOU! He is mine forever, and I am his forever." She hugged her fiancé and they kissed.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" the Horned King yelled. "You foolish wench! You are throwing away your chances to become a queen! With this sewer rat you'll be nothing more than a crimelord's wife!"

Maleficent smiled. "And that is all I want to be. I'd sooner be a crimelord's wife than your queen any day!"

"Oh, and I hope you have access to YouTube, Horny," Ratigan added.

"WHY?" the Horned King demanded.

Ratigan smiled and waved to Hades, who just came up to them, holding a video camera. "Did you get it all, Hades?"

"You betcha, Ratti," Hades replied. "Though I don't know what to call the video. I was thinkin' "Delusional Meshugener Kisses Snake."" He gave the Horned King a sly smile. "Whaddaya YOU think, Horny? Too much?"

The Horned King growled. "You wouldn't DARE load that video on the Internet!"

"TRY me, bubbee."

The Horned King lunged for the god, trying to grab the camera away from him, but Hades simply vanished and reappeared in another area. "Omnipotent powers, DUH! Oy, some villains can be SO stupid!"

The king fell to his knees. "No, please! Don't show that video online! I have a reputation as a sinister villain to uphold! If any of my fans see that video, I'm ruined! Please, please, I'll do ANYTHING!"

Maleficent eyed him. "ANYTHING?"

"Yes, ANYTHING!"

Maleficent and Ratigan looked at each other and smirked evilly. The Horned King gulped.

* * *

The couple led the king to the entrance of the Animal Kingdom. There, their friends were waiting with a large metal box. "What's in the box?" the Horned King asked nervously.

"Only the most dangerous creature ever known to man," Ratigan answered nonchalantly.

"A king cobra?"

"Wrong."

"A Komodo dragon?"

"Guess again."

"A polar bear?"

"Nope." Ratigan nodded to Jafar, who slowly and carefully opened the hatch on the box to reveal…

"HOO HOO HOO HOO!" an orange and black striped blur pounced onto the Horned King. "Hiya, Horny Boy! Boy howdy, are we gonna have a fun afternoon!"

The Horned King gasped. "NOOOOOOOO! Not Tigger! Anything but Tigger!"

"Not JUST Tigger," Ratigan replied. "Tigger after drinking ten Coca-Colas, eleven Pepsis, and a gallon of coffee."

"But first…" Maleficent took out a chain of lilies and put it around the stuffed tiger's neck. "Have fun, boys."

"You betcha, Miss Maleficent ma'am!" Tigger replied in a hyper tone. He pulled the screaming king into the box. "Whatcha wanna do first? Hey, let's play tag! You're it!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" the Horned King screamed as Jafar locked the box. "ACHOO!"

Ursula shook her head. "That poor unfortunate soul."

"Well, that's what happens when you mess with the Mistress of all Evil and the World's Greatest Criminal Mind," Maleficent replied. She turned to Hades. "You're still loading that video of the Horned King kissing Kaa onto YouTube though, right?"

"Heck yeah, I am!" Hades replied. "It's too funny NOT to!"

Ratigan smiled and wrapped his arms around his fiancée's waist. "Well, we'll let you all handle the rest of the punishment. We've got a wedding to plan."

**OK, is it wrong that I laughed a little too hard at this chapter? It is? Who cares, the asshole got what he deserved! HA!**

**Hope y'all enjoyed the cameos of Kaa and Tigger...I love both those guys so much! (is now imagining those two having a conversation) Hoo boy, there's a scary thought! It would probably somewhere involve Tigger mentioning how Kaa sounds like Pooh with a lisp. Also, highly caffeinated Tigger = MAJOR SCARINESS! **

**Hope to see you soon for more wedding planning mayhem!**

**All my best, DiscordantPrincess. **


	7. Dem Apples

**Hey, guys! Sorry about the delay in updating, things have been crazy lately. Hope this is worth the wait!**

The date for the wedding was drawing nearer. All of Disney World was hustling and bustling to make things as perfect as possible. One day, Discord was having a meeting with some characters he had recruited to help him with the reception; the Good Fairies and the Fairy Godmother. The fairies all sat around an oblong table as the draconequus stood in front of them, dressed like a World War Two general.

"All right, ladies," he told the quartet in front of him. "I need decoration ideas, STAT! Flora, go!"

"Well, I was thinking that we should have beautiful satin drapes everywhere around the castle," Flora explained. "All in different shades of pink."

"PINK? You know Maleficent is AFRAID of pink!" Meriwether chimed in. "I think the drapes should be blue."

"But pink is a better color for a wedding, Meriwether dear. I'm sure Maleficent will understand."

"Blue is a better color for villains! How many villains wear PINK?"

"You mean other than the groom himself? Lady Tremaine and Governor Ratcliffe come to mind."

"Blue."

"Pink."

"Blue!"

"Pink!"

"BLUE!"

"PINK!"

"What if we make the drapes green?" Fauna suggested.

Discord snapped his fingers and smiled at Fauna. "Boom. There we go. Green drapes it is." Fauna smiled. "And how about centerpieces for the tables?"

"I can make some easily," the Fairy Godmother offered. "Watch." She took a small tomato out of her pocket and waved her wave. "Bibbidi bobbidi boo." Instantly the tomato became a lovely silvery white centerpiece.

"Hmm, nice," Discord noted. "But, uh, can you make anything that ISN'T vegetable based?"

The Fairy Godmother shrugged. "Not much, sorry."

"Ah, that's OK, FG. OK, we'll need about sixty or so tomatoes then. Oh, this is going to be PERFECT!"

* * *

"This is going to be HORRIBLE!" the Horned King vented.

The king was in his castle. He had gathered up a small group of characters to help him plot a way to stop the wedding from commencing. VERY small, only consisting of Grumpy and Eeyore, plus Queen Chrysalis, who was only onboard to help sabotage the wedding because of Discord. The changeling hated the draconequus with a passion and when she heard that he was working on the wedding, she wanted to try and wreck it for him. When the Horned King had offered her a chance to work with him, she jumped at it.

"We have only a month until the wedding, and none of you have come up with ANY decent ideas on how to stop the wedding!" the Horned King vented.

"I could always have my changelings kidnap Ratigan and lock him away in the Disney World secret caves, so that I could disguise you as him and make it so YOU marry Maleficent," Chrysalis offered. "She won't even know until the honeymoon."

"Thank you, Chrysalis, but I don't want to turn this into a rip-off of "A Canterlot Wedding,"" the Horned King responded. "And besides, Disney World doesn't HAVE any secret caves."

"These sabotage plans of yours aren't going to work," Eeyore sighed.

"Oh, would you shut it, you sawdust-filled jackass," the Horned King retorted. "You keep saying that every time we meet."

"Because they aren't going to work," Eeyore continued. "You can't stop two villains who have a shared goal of doing something together."

"Well, you also can't stop a villain who has the goal of stopping said two villains who have the goal of doing something together," the Horned King replied.

Chrysalis blinked. "All right, I'm confused now."

"Humph," Grumpy sniffed. "You bunch of newbies, trying to come up with your silly little plans. Not like Queen Grimhilde. When my movie first came out, everyone was afraid of her. You three couldn't scare a KITTEN!"

Suddenly, the Horned King had an idea. "That's it! Grumpy, you're a genius!"

"You're gonna send a kitten to stop the wedding?" the appropriately named dwarf asked.

"No, I'm going to take a page out of the Evil Queen's book," the Horned King responded. "I'm going to get rid of the groom the old-fashioned Disney way."

* * *

The next day, Grimhilde was in her underground laboratory, working on a potion that would make her even more beautiful than she was before for the wedding. Just then, her pet raven flew in and cawed at her. "Why hello, Beelzebub. What's the matter?" Then, she saw the clock over on the wall. "Oh my, you're right, I'm late. I must meet Maleficent and the girls to pick out bridesmaid dresses." She petted her raven on the head. "Thank you, Beelzebub." She hurried out of the laboratory.

Once Grimhilde was gone, the raven flew by her potions shelf. It saw the one it wanted and nabbed it in its talons. It flew out of the place, its eyes glowing green.

* * *

The Horned King paced back and forth waiting. A large cauldron was waiting in front of him. "Grr, what is taking that horsefly so long?" he asked.

"This isn't going to work," Eeyore commented.

Just then, the raven flew into the room. Immediately it turned back into Chrysalis. "I got it." She handed the vial of potion to the Horned King.

The king smiled. "Thank you, my dear Chrysalis. Finally, the final ingredient I need." He poured it into the bubbling cauldron, turning the liquid a ghastly green. "Yes. The Sleeping Death is ready." He then picked up an apple that he had on a nearby table. He pulled a long hair out of Eeyore's tail, making the donkey bray in pain. Then, he tied the hair around the stem of the apple and dipped it into the potion. After a minute, he pulled the apple out of the potion. A foamy skull formed on the apple's skin, then it turned redder than blood. "Perfect. Now all we have to do is get Ratigan to eat this apple. As soon as he does, he'll fall under the Sleeping Death's spell, and I'll have Maleficent all to myself."

"But what about the escape clause?" Eeyore asked. "Won't he wake back up if Maleficent kisses him?"

The Horned King chuckled, patting Eeyore on the head. "Eeyore, my pessimistic asinine friend, you overthink these things. I've reconfigured the potion so that even true love's kiss doesn't work. No, he'll be gone forever."

"And if he DOESN'T eat the apple?" Eeyore asked.

"Oh he will. That gluttonous rat can't resist a good snack. And with how beautiful this apple looks, he'll be even less resistant. Now, off to Ratigan's house!"

* * *

Meanwhile, at Ratigan's house, the professor was in his living room, sitting in his favorite arm chair and reading a book. As he read, a plump tawny Persian cat with a purple bow on her head jumped into the chair and lay on her master's lap, snuggling her head against his belly. Ratigan smiled. "Good girl, Felicia." He scratched the cat behind the ear, making her purr.

Just then, the doorbell rang. "I wonder who that could be?" Ratigan asked. Felicia mewed and jumped down, letting him get up and go to the door. He opened it and saw no one there. The professor growled. "Stupid pranksters. I'll bet it was that Peter Pan again! No wonder Captain Hook is always trying to kill that brat."

As he was about to shut the door again, Ratigan saw a small basket on the front step. Inside the basket was a beautiful, plump red apple. "What's this?" He picked up the basket and read the card attached. "Best wishes for your upcoming wedding. Love, your friends at Sweet Apple Acres." He hummed as he shut the door and went back inside. "Sweet Apple Acres…I think that's that orchard that Discord's friend Applejack works on. How nice of them to send a gift." He looked over the apple. "My, it's a beautiful one too. No blemishes or anything. It's absolutely perfect." He smiled and licked his lips a little. "I'll bet it tastes even better."

Felicia yowled and pressed herself against her master's leg, trying to get him to put the apple down. "Felicia, come now, it's just an apple. What harm would a little taste do?" Ratigan lifted the apple to his lips and took a bite out of it. "Mmm, it DOES taste better than it looks." He chewed up the apple bit and swallowed. "There, see? Nothing bad happened. Crazy cat." He chuckled and ate the rest, throwing the core in the nearby garbage can.

Suddenly, Ratigan felt a strange feeling come over him. He felt incredibly dizzy and nauseous. He clutched his stomach. "Ooh, I think that apple may have been a little out of season." Just then, he collapsed to the floor, the Sleeping Death taking over. Felicia meowed sadly and nuzzled up next to her master.

**Dun dun DUUUUN! Yeah, I'm evil, leaving you at a cliffhanger like this. (Insert Vincent Price laugh here)**

**I have to give credit to writes4u, who gave me both the idea of having Discord work with the Fairy Godmother on decor AND of having Horny keep at it. I was going to have him give up after getting punished, but a good villain never gives up, now does he? Anyway, major thanks to you, writes4u!**

**Can Ratigan be saved from the curse of the Sleeping Death? Find out next time!**

**All my best, DiscordantPrincess.**


	8. Finding the Cure

**Hello, everyone! I've got here a brand new chapter for you...I hope you enjoy it.**

Meanwhile, at the Bad Bean, Hades, Jafar and Facilier were sitting at their usual table, waiting for Ratigan for their weekly meeting.

"Where IS he?" Facilier asked. "It ain't like him to be late."

"He's probably doing something with Maleficent," Jafar hypothesized. "I'm sure he'll be along soon."

Just then, the door opened. A young woman was coming in…but was knocked down by Felicia running in. The frantic cat ran up to the group of villains and yowled.

"Hey, isn't that Ratigan's cat?" Facilier recognized her.

"Yeah, it is," Hades replied. He knelt down beside the hysterical feline. "What's up, Felicia?" The cat kept hissing and yowling. "Whoa, whoa, Feli, calm down babe. Just take a deep breath and continue."

Felicia nodded and took a deep breath, then made a few mewling noises. "Mm-hm. Uh-huh." Hades nodded as he listened.

"You can understand her?" Jafar asked, amazed.

"Part of the perks of being a god is that we can communicate with all forms of life," Hades explained. "OK, go on." Felicia made more noises, making Hades gasp. "Oh no, this is BAD. This is very BAD."

"What? What is it?" Facilier asked.

"C'mon, guys, we gotta hurry to Ratti's house," Hades told them. "He's in trouble!"

* * *

The three villains ran to Ratigan's house, where they found the professor lying on the floor. "Oh no, is he OK?" Facilier asked.

"He's not dead, is he?" Jafar inquired.

Hades shook his head. "Uh-uh. If he were dead, I'd know about it." He knelt down beside the unconscious man. "Ratti?" He shook him. "C'mon, Ratti, ya gotta wake up." No answer. "Yo, Underworld to Ratigan." Still no answer. "Oy, this is not good."

Just then, Maleficent and her friends came in. "Jafar just called us," Ursula explained. "We came as fast as we could."

Maleficent screamed and knelt beside her poisoned fiancé. "Oh, my poor Padraic!" She wept over his body.

"C'mon, Mal, this ain't the time to go "Beauty and the Beast" on us," Hades told her. "We gotta find a way to wake him up."

"It would be easier to help him if we knew WHY he went unconscious in the first place," Gothel replied.

"You're right, Gothie," Hades agreed. He looked back down at Felicia. "OK, Feli, what was Ratti doing before he conked out?" Felicia made some noises. "WHAT?"

"What did she say?" Ursula asked.

"She said that he was eating an apple," Hades responded.

"You mean he choked on an apple?" Jafar asked. "Easy enough, we just administer the Heimlich maneuver." He tried to pick up Ratigan's body to do the maneuver, but because the unconscious professor was quite a bit more muscular than was the sorcerer, he couldn't lift him. "Little help?"

"No, no, Jaffy, he was eating a POISONED apple!" Hades replied. The others gasped.

"But who would do that?" Grimhilde asked. "Besides myself, of course, but I didn't!"

Maleficent's eyes narrowed. "The Horned King…he won't stop at anything until Padraic is eliminated!"

"Well, this isn't THAT bad," Facilier replied. "I mean, if it's the same poison apple bit that Grimhilde did on Snow White, can't he be brought back if Maleficent kisses him?"

Maleficent smiled. "You're right, Facilier." She leaned over and kissed Ratigan on the lips. However, he didn't stir. "What?"

Just then, there was an evil chuckle. They all turned to see the Horned King standing there.

"Oh, Maleficent, did you really think that I'm THAT foolish?" he asked. "I added a little extra something to Grimhilde's Sleeping Death potion to make the effects a little more…permanent." He took the vial that Chrysalis had stolen out of his robe and showed it to them. Felicia responded by hissing at him and biting him on the ankle.

Grimhilde gasped. "Liquid nightshade. It renders the antidotes of spells useless. So THAT'S where that vial went!"

Maleficent lunged at the king. "You BASTARD! I'll KILL you for what you've done!" She started to brutally beat him up, tears flowing down her face as she did.

"Mal, Mal, calm down, don't kill him," Hades pulled her off of him. The Horned King smiled in relief. "Let ME take a crack at him!" The god flamed up and started burning the king.

"Allow ME to help!" Jafar replied, grabbing his staff and zapping the king. As they did, Maleficent broke down crying hysterically, cradling her fiancé's body in her lap. The girls all surrounded her and hugged her.

"There must be SOME way to reverse the spell," Gothel spoke. "There's ALWAYS some sort of antidote."

Grimhilde shook her head. "Liquid nightshade negates those effects. It would take a master healer to bring him back."

Just then, Maleficent got an idea. "A master healer…I know EXACTLY who to call."

* * *

A few minutes later, Maleficent waited by the door anxiously. "Oh, I hope she comes soon."

Just then, there was a sound of wings flapping. Maleficent looked to see a white alicorn with an ethereal aurora-colored mane and tail, light purple eyes and a picture of a sun on her flank, wearing golden jewelry adorned with purple diamonds. "Hello, Maleficent."

"Princess Celestia! Oh thank Walt!" Maleficent hugged the alicorn. "Please, you must help Padraic!"

Celestia nodded. "I'll do what I can." She followed the green-skinned fairy into the house, where Hades and Jafar were holding back the now charred Horned King so he wouldn't intervene. She went up to Ratigan, still lying on his back on the floor. The alicorn then closed her eyes and lowered her head, her horn touching his chest. Her horn glowed with yellow energy as she cast a healing spell. When she was done, she lifted her head and opened her eyes. Everyone waited for the results.

Just then, Ratigan started to stir. His eyes fluttered open and he sat up. "Oh, what's going on?" He groaned and rested a hand on his belly, rubbing it. "Oh, my stomach…that apple must have been completely rotten."

"Padraic!" Maleficent wept with joy as she glomped her fiancé. "Oh, thank Walt! Are you all right?"

"Well, other than the fact that I've got a wicked bad tummy ache, I'm fine," Ratigan replied.

"Great to have ya back, Ratti," Hades chuckled as he helped his best friend back onto his feet.

Ratigan eyed the god oddly. "Did I go somewhere?"

"We'll explain later, buddy," Hades explained.

"Oh thank you again, Celestia," Maleficent thanked the alicorn, hugging her. "You're a life saver…literally!"

"You're quite welcome," Celestia replied. "Just remember, if you ever need anything, just call." With that, she left.

"And as for YOU…" Maleficent added, turning to the Horned King. She grabbed him by the antler and dragged him outside.

"What's she doing?" Ratigan asked.

"I dunno, but we can't miss it!" Hades replied. "Come on!" With that, the villains left to watch Maleficent punish the Horned King.

**Yay, Ratigan's OK! Oh come on, did you guys REALLY think I was going to leave my favorite Disney villain in a coma for the rest of eternity?**

**OK, just an explanation as to Celestia's Deus ex Machina appearance...she is the controller of the sun. In Greek mythology, Apollo was the god of the sun and of healing. So yeah, blame the ancient Greeks.**

**Hmm, what will Maleficent do to the Horned King? I dunno, but methinks it'll be nasty! And I love it when she's nasty. ;)**

**Thanks for reading, y'all! Hope to see you next time!**

**All my best, DiscordantPrincess **


	9. A Change of Venue

**Hello, everyone! Sorry about the delay in updating...I've been busy, plus I was having some trouble trying to figure out where exactly I wanted the story to go. I think I've got it now, though, so without any further ado, let's get down to business...**

The Horned King grumbled to himself as he lay in his hospital bed. Maleficent had beaten him up so badly that he was now in intensive care, being treated for multiple broken bones, a concussion, and third degree burns.

As the king stewed to himself, Grumpy, Eeyore and Chrysalis were visiting. "I TOLD you that this was a bad idea," Eeyore spoke up. "You can't get in the way of true love…especially not between two villains."

"So…is that it?" Chrysalis asked. "Are we done trying to sabotage Ratigan and Maleficent's wedding?"

"Not quite yet, my dear Changeling queen," the Horned King responded. "I have one more trick up my sleeve…thanks to my assistant Creeper."

Creeper came in, chuckling. "Is the device ready, Creeper?" the Horned King asked.

"All set, sire," Creeper replied. "All it needs is for you to press the button." He held up a remote control with a large red button.

The Horned King grinned as he took the control from his minion and pressed the red button.

* * *

Meanwhile, the happy couple was taking a stroll around Disney World, enjoying the sunshine and scaring off any birds or squirrels that dared to cross their path.

"I can't believe our wedding is in three weeks," Maleficent sighed. "Oh, everything is going perfectly…the dresses and tuxedos are all picked out, the ceremony and reception are all planned, the venue is perfect…"

Just then, Ratigan stopped in his tracks as they passed by Cinderella's castle. "Um, Maleficent…I don't think that the castle is supposed to look like that."

"What do you mean, darling?" Maleficent looked over to where her fiancé was staring and gasped. Cinderella's castle was all covered in gooey green slime. Mickey Mouse was standing by, and a crew of men in yellow hazmat suits and helmets were trying to clean up.

"Mickey, what in the name of Eve Titus is going on here?" Ratigan demanded.

"I don't know," Mickey replied. "Someone called up, saying that Cinderella's castle was covered in this slime. It doesn't seem toxic, but I'm not taking any chances and I've closed it off until it's clean. The repairmen say that it'll take at least two months to fully clean it all. Thankfully Cinderella and her family were out when it happened."

Cinderella was nearby, weeping and being consoled by her prince. "Who could have done this to my home?"

"It's OK, Cindy, you and Emile can stay with me and Ferdinand while your home is cleaned," Snow White offered. "Right, Ferdy?"

"Of course," Ferdinand agreed.

Emile smiled as he hugged his wife. "Thank you, that's very generous of you both. I still wish we knew who could have done this."

Maleficent growled. "The Horned King…I'll bet you anything he had something to do with this! Padraic and I were supposed to have our wedding here, and he'll stop at nothing to insure that we can't get married."

"I'm so sorry, you both," Cinderella told them.

"It's quite all right, Your Highness," Ratigan replied. "We'll figure SOMETHING out."

Mickey smiled as he thought. "Y'know, I think I know a venue for your wedding that would be more suited for a pair of villains."

* * *

A few minutes later, Mickey was leading the couple to the Haunted Mansion. "Here we go," he told them. "You can have your wedding here. The ceremony can take place in the graveyard, and we can have the reception on the lawn."

Maleficent smiled. "Oh, you're right, Mickey, it IS a perfect venue for us."

Mickey nodded. He turned to the Ghost Host, who had been standing with them as they discussed. "Whaddaya say, GH? Would it be OK if Mal and Ratigan had their wedding here?"

"Of course," the Host replied. "Anything for our fine villainous friends here."

"Thank you, sir, that's very kind of you," Ratigan told him.

"Don't mention it, Professor."

Just then, Ratigan was glomped by a young female ghost in a bridal gown and veil with a red beating heart. "OH! Hello there, Miss Emily."

"Oh, Padraic, I am so glad that you're getting married," the ghost bride told him. "I wish you all the happiness in the world." Even if it is not with me, she added silently to herself sadly. She had a humongous crush on Ratigan.

"Thank you, Emily, that's so kind."

Emily smiled and looked at Maleficent. "You are a very lucky bride, Miss Maleficent. I hope you know just how lucky."

The fairy smiled. "Oh, I do, believe me. Padraic is the most wonderful man in the world."

"He is indeed." Suddenly, Emily's smile faded into a frown. "So if you EVER do anything to hurt him, I'll make you pay!"

Maleficent blinked, then laughed. "How cute. Forgive me, Miss Emily, but I fail to see how exactly you could make me pay."

Emily removed the veil from her face, then made a horrifying face at the green-skinned fairy. Maleficent screamed and hid herself behind Ratigan's back. "Point taken!"

The ghost bride smiled and draped her veil back over her face. "Good. Again, best of luck to you both."

Mickey was still in shock. "Um…OK. Hey, how about to celebrate, I take the two of you out to lunch in town? My treat."

"Oh Mickey, that's very generous," Maleficent replied. "We'd be honored."

"But PLEASE, no place that specializes in apples," Ratigan added. He patted his stomach and grinned slightly. "I'm still getting over some slight indigestion from the last apple I ate." Maleficent responded by laughing and hugging her fiancé.

**Yay, let the wedding commence! So sorry, Horny...NOT! That's what you get for not listening to Eeyore, bitch! **

**I must give credit to my dear friend FairyTales And Pixie Dust, who gave me both the idea of the wedding taking place at the Haunted Mansion and of Emily the ghost bride having a crush on Ratigan (can ya blame her?)...thank you, my dear!**

**Just some fun little tidbits: I had Ratigan mention Eve Titus here because Eve Titus was the author of the original Basil of Baker Street books, which the movie "The Great Mouse Detective" was based on. Also, according to what I've heard and read, the Ghost Host was at one time voiced by Vincent Price himself, so the bit with him talking to Ratti was a little bit of Talking to Himself. Awesome, huh?**

**Hope to see you soon for more!**

**All my best, DiscordantPrincess.**


	10. (Bachelor) Party Time

**Hello, everybody! Hope you're ready for the next chapter...because here it is!**

The date of the wedding crept closer. As it did, the wedding parties for both bride and groom planned their respective friend's bachelor and bachelorette parties.

"OK, boys, I need ideas for Ratti's last night of freedom, and make 'em good ones," Hades told the men.

"We could have the party at my place," Jafar suggested.

"Ooh, exotic Arabian venue, me likey," Hades agreed.

"And I've got a few ideas for entertainment," Facilier added.

"It doesn't involve dancin' voodoo dolls and singin' masks, does it?" Hades asked.

"Not this time, I promise."

"OK, Faci, I'm all ears."

* * *

"All righty, ladies, what should we do for Maleficent's bachelorette party?" Ursula asked. "We've already got snacks and drinks set up."

"I still don't see why we need this," Grimhilde spoke up. "I didn't have a bachelorette party when I married Snow White's father."

"That's because they didn't HAVE bachelorette parties in the sixteenth century," Ursula reminded her. "This is the twenty-first century, we do stuff like this all the time."

"Ursula's right," Gothel agreed. "And I definitely have a few ideas…"

* * *

The weekend before the wedding, the men brought Ratigan to Jafar's house, where all the male Disney villains (minus the Horned King, who was still in the hospital) were gathered.

"Congratulations again, Professor," Shere Khan told the groom as he arrived.

"Yessss, many congratssss," Kaa hissed his agreement. "Maleficsssent issss a very lucky lady."

Ratigan smiled. "Thank you both."

Gaston crept over to the punch bowl and grinned. He took a flask out of his shirt pocket and opened it.

"AHEM." The young hunter turned to see Judge Frollo glaring at him. "What? It's a bachelor party! We're supposed to have fun!"

"I'm already having a hard enough time stomaching this meaningless debauchery," Frollo replied. "I will NOT have you adding alcohol to the mix."

"Oh come now, Claude, loosen up a bit," Governor Ratcliffe told the frumpy minister. "This isn't Sunday mass, we're here to have some fun. Go ahead, Gaston."

Gaston smiled. "Thank you, Governor." He poured the contents of the flask into the punch. "This'll make things about 20% funner."

Frollo groaned. "I can only pray that the women are acting more civil than this."

* * *

"WOO-HOO! RIDE 'IM, MALLY!"

The villainesses were at Gothel's house, having their bachelorette party. At the moment, the bride was riding a mechanical bull, dressed in a black cowboy hat and boots.

"Way to go, Maleficent!" Mad Madam Mim cheered. "That's how to handle it!"

"Now let's see if she'll be able to handle her man as well as she's handling that bull," Cruella de Vil snickered.

Madame Medusa shivered. "I STILL don't understand why she's marrying Ratigan. That disgusting rat."

"Uh, earth to Medusa, Ratigan's not a rat anymore, remember?" Yzma asked. "He's a human now."

Mim nodded. "An extremely handsome human."

"Oh yes." Cruella chuckled as she took a drag on her cigarette. "VERY handsome indeed."

"Yeah, I'd tap that in a heartbeat," Yzma agreed. The other villainesses looked scared as they looked behind the Incan sorceress. "What?" Yzma turned and gasped when she saw Maleficent standing behind them.

The fairy just grinned. "Sorry, Yzma, but he's mine, so there'll be no tapping." She took the cowboy hat off of her head and plopped it onto Yzma's. "And it's your turn to ride the bull now."

* * *

Meanwhile, back at Jafar's, the men were getting a little loose and loopy after a few hits of Gaston's punch. However, the young hunter had since disappeared.

"Where IS Gaston?" Scar asked. "I must thank him for making the punch so delightful."

"He's probably either in the bathroom vomiting or in a confession booth asking God to forgive him," Frollo groaned. "Ugh, my head."

"OK, gents, it's time now for the show to start," Hades announced. "Everyone take their seats." The men obeyed and sat at different tables set up in front of a curtained off area.

Just then, the curtains lifted. As they did, Jessica Rabbit and Kitty Mouse came out, both dressed in belly dancer's outfits, Jessica in red and Kitty in blue. Both ladies danced erotically as exotic music played.

"Woo! Yeah baby!" Chernabog hollered.

"Shake it, ladies, shake it!" King Candy whooped.

Just then, Jessica and Kitty both went up to Ratigan. Once each was on either side of him, both took long purple silk scarves out of their cleavage. They tied their scarves around the professor, pretending to tie him up.

"Damned harlots," Frollo grumbled. "And yet I can't stop looking at them. They must be witches!"

"You know, Claude, not every sexy lady out there is a witch," Clayton reminded the judge. He chuckled. "Remember the time you were convinced that Pocahontas was a witch because you couldn't stop staring at her at the pool?"

"The woman was controlling multicolored leaves to blow around her, that's witchcraft!" Frollo retorted.

As the two dancers finished their act, the men all hollered and cheered. Jessica smiled as they went backstage. "Nailed it." She and Kitty bumped fists.

"I still can't believe that Roger lets you do these kinds of acts," Kitty replied.

"Roger knows it's all for money," Jessica answered. "I'd never stray from my honey bunny."

"What DO you see in that goofy rabbit, anyway, Jess?"

"He makes me laugh."

* * *

Meanwhile, the villainesses were preparing for their show as well. As they watched, an extremely drunk Flynn Rider came onstage. "Hello, ladies." Music started playing, and the young thief danced around a pole that Ursula had set up.

Mim whistled. "You go, Flynny boy!"

"Yeah, that's how Mama likes it!" the Queen of Hearts hollered.

Just then, Gaston wandered onstage. "Step aside, scrawny," he told Flynn, pushing him aside. "These ladies came here for some REAL action." Just then, the brash young hunter took off his shirt, exposing his hairy, well-built chest. "Huh? You like that, ladies?"

The villainesses all booed. "Get off the stage, you pig!" Yzma told him.

Gaston frowned. "Humph. You all have no taste." He stomped offstage, leaving Flynn to finish his act to the ladies' content.

* * *

The next morning, Ratigan woke up back in his bed, hungover and confused. "What the…how'd I get back home? And why am I naked?" He groaned and rubbed his pounding head. "Oh God, what happened last night?"

Felicia mewed and jumped onto the bed, curling up onto her master's stomach. "Good morning, Felicia," Ratigan replied, stroking the cat's head. He moaned. "I love having you here with me, but I'd rather you get off of my tummy, because it's not feeling so well right now." Felicia mewed and obeyed. "Good girl." He scratched behind her ear.

Once he was dressed and showered and feeling less sick, Ratigan called Hades on the telephone. "Hades?"

"Hey, Ratti, great party last night, huh?" the god asked on the other line.

"Yeah, great," Ratigan agreed. "Listen, uh…could you maybe tell me what the hell happened last night?"

**Hmm, is anyone else getting a "Hangover" vibe from the last bit here? LOL**

**Many thanks to FairyTales And Pixie Dust for giving me the idea to do bits of the bachelor/bachelorette parties and as to who should perform. You rock, girl!**

**Next chapter, the actual wedding! WOO!**

**All my best, DiscordantPrincess. **


	11. The Wedding

**Howdy, y'all! Well, here it is, the big wedding scene, yay! Hopefully I've done it some justice. Read on!**

It was finally here. The day of the wedding.

All of Disney gathered in the cemetery at the Haunted Mansion to witness a groundbreaking event; the first Disney villain wedding in history. Mickey had closed off the park for the day so that they could have the wedding.

"Isn't this excited, girls?" Belle asked as she and her fellow princesses sat together by a gravestone that had a bust of a man with an axe in his head attached. "Never before have two Disney villains gotten married."

"It's might swell," Tiana agreed.

"Yes, swell," Aurora replied sarcastically. "But why of all places did they pick the Haunted Mansion? It's so gloomy!"

"They were originally going to have their wedding at my castle, but the Horned King slimed it so that no one could get into it," Cinderella explained. "Mickey suggested the Mansion, and it's actually a very good idea. The place is beautiful."

"In a rather creepy way, yes," Pocahontas agreed.

"And why did they ask us all to wear black?" Jasmine asked. "Black is so depressing. I feel like I'm at a funeral."

"Because they're both villains, and villains love black," Ariel explained. "Besides, I think we all look nice in black." The princesses all agreed.

"Are you kidding? You ladies would look lovely in a bunch of paper bags," Aladdin spoke up. "Right, guys?" The rest of the Disney princes agreed about their wives' beauty.

"I wonder how the bride and groom are doing right now?" Rapunzel asked aloud.

* * *

Ratigan wrung his hands together nervously as he observed himself in the mirror, primping himself for the ceremony. He was wearing a black tuxedo, with a dark gray bow tie and cummerbund, along with his usual white gloves and black shoes. He looked quite handsome, he had to admit to himself.

But dear Walt, was he nervous.

The professor grimaced as he felt a flutter of nerves pass through his stomach, shortly accompanied by a low rumbling sound. He had been so anxious about today that he had skipped breakfast. A big mistake, as his belly was now letting him know.

Just then, there was a knock at the door. Hades came in, dressed in a similar outfit as the groom. "Hey, Ratti, you ready?"

"I suppose," Ratigan replied. "But I'm just so nervous."

"Hey, you're about to get hitched, that's a perfectly normal feeling," the god assured his best friend. He patted the former rat on the shoulder. "Now c'mon, the public awaits."

Ratigan sighed. "All right." He frowned. "The Horned King isn't there, is he?"

"Nope, we made sure to take extra precautions to make sure Horny doesn't intrude."

* * *

"You HAVE to let me in!" the Horned King demanded. "I have to get in there and stop that wedding from taking placed before Maleficent makes the biggest mistake of her life!"

Captain Gantu, the wedding bounced, frowned as he looked down on the undead king. "I don't THINK so. You've already tried to trick the groom into backing out, attempted to murder him with a poisoned apple, and slimed Cinderella's castle. Three strikes and you're out, Your Highness."

The king growled. "You incompetent space fish! Let me in NOW!" He tried to get past Gantu, but the gigantic alien simply grabbed him and threw him into the nearby pond. The king grumbled to himself as he waded off.

* * *

Ratigan stood by the makeshift altar, awaiting the ceremony to begin.

"He's very handsome, isn't he?" Belle noted.

"Oh yes," Snow White agreed.

Just then, there was an "AHEM." Belle and Snow looked over to see their husbands Adam and Ferdinand respectively, frowning. "Not as handsome as you boys," Belle assured them.

Lady Tremaine walked over to a piano that was set up by a mausoleum. She started playing music as the ceremony began.

First down the aisle were the flower girls, Wendy Darling, Lilo Pelekai and Alice Kingsleigh. All three were wearing black and purple dresses and dropping handfuls of blood red rose petals on the path they walked.

Next down the aisle were the three ring bearers, Christopher Robin, Mowgli and Pinocchio, all wearing tuxedos. Christopher carried the wedding rings on a deep purple pillow, and the other two carried smaller purple pillows for show.

Then, the wedding party started down the aisle. The groomsmen and bridesmaids walked together, arms linked. First came Facilier and Gothel, then Jafar and Grimhilde, and finally the best man Hades and the maid of honor Ursula.

Once everyone else had taken their place, Lady Tremaine started playing the Wedding March on the piano. Everyone stood and turned to watch Maleficent walking down the aisle, wearing a black silk gown and a black veil, carrying a bouquet of red roses. She smiled as she looked up at her groom and stood next to him, giving the bouquet to Ursula, and put her hands in his.

Frollo, the minister performing the ceremony, began. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the blessed union of this man and this fairy in holy matrimony. Should anyone have any reason why these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace."

"Anyone who says anything, I zap them," Maleficent growled threateningly. Everyone kept their mouths shut.

Frollo smiled. "Very well, let us continue. Do you, Padraic, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live?"

"I do."

"And do you, Maleficent, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in healthy, as long as you both shall live?"

"I do."

"Then, by the power vested in me by the one true God, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Ratigan and Maleficent smiled at one another. They leaned into one another, their lips touching in their first kiss as husband and wife.

Frollo smiled and raised his arms. "Citizens of Disney, I present to you, for the first time, Professor and Mrs. Padraic James Ratigan." Upon hearing these words, every character cheered. The princesses kissed their princes. Christopher Robin hugged Wendy. Mowgli hugged Alice. Lilo hugged Pinocchio. Everyone was thrilled.

Ratigan smiled as he picked his wife up and swung her around in his arms. "I can't believe we're finally married."

"Neither can I," Maleficent replied. She smiled. "It's so wonderful. I love you so much."

"And I love you." The newlywed couple kissed.

Just then, Ratigan's stomach growled rather loudly, the butterflies that had been inside completely gone and replaced with hunger. The professor grinned with embarrassment at his bride. "Sorry, I didn't eat breakfast today. I was too nervous."

Maleficent chuckled and rested her head on her husband's chest. "Don't worry, there'll be plenty of food at the reception."

"I certainly hope so. I don't want to spend our first dance together as husband and wife listening to my belly roaring at me." The two villains laughed and kissed passionately again, starting a new chapter in their lives together.

**Yay, they're married! Excuse me while I go cry a little...I always cry at weddings.**

**Special thanks to writes4u, who gave me the idea of the flower girls and ring bearers. Thanks!**

**Next and final chapter is the reception. See you soon!**

**All my best, DiscordantPrincess**


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